Listen while reading
- For people pleaser
– I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who i m not
Hello there, this Is Achilles and the topic of today is Don’t give a Fuck, be yourself. Have you ever wondered why you care so much about what other people think about you? Do you know how often you have struggled and stressed because you were worried over others critics? How you ever considered how much control other have on you? Don’t you want to say and do exactly as you want and be free of the bad or good opinion of others or follow your own particular inside knowledge? Of course you want it and therefore you should stop carrying and don’t give a Fuck about other’s opinion. But it’s not easy, it’s hard you know it, I know it and literally everyone else know it.
My experience and history – Fuck average, you can have that
I struggled to be myself around people many time in my life, especially when I was still very young, and it got even worse when I moved to Norway. I moved to Norway exactly for 7 years ago and when I arrived, I was 15 years old. Everything in Norway seems totally new and wired to me and I had to deal with a culture shock. I went from east to west, from 43º summer to -18º winter, from Persian culture to Norwegian culture, then I had to learn a completely new language and so forth. One of the hard challenges that I had to face with was dealing with new people. Oh man, I had no clue about how Norwegian people were, how they though, what they did liked or didn’t like. Therefore, I thought constantly about how people think of me, what was their opinion about me and etc. In other words, I tried hard to fit into the culture of people in Norway, in school or generally society. I felt always a little wired, different, I felt like I wasn’t “normal” or that something was not quiet right with me which made me unsure. Also when I was a child and young my mother always told med that I should be nice and gentle, to choose my words carefully and to not say something embracing, and I did so. Later on I found that being always nice or put an act to impress other was a completely waste of time and against my own authentic self. I learned being different was actually something to be thankful for and I should stop pleasing people and stop caring too much about people, I figured out how to be myself.
You and all of us play a game, a kind of act. Just stop playing around, don’t play the game that you aren’t going to win. Don’t act for other to just get a little of empathy, a compliment or a positive reaction here and there . People believe that they’re smart and KNOW what they’re doing, they please people to hold up their mental self-image of what other think about them The explanation behind your satisfying other or acting, often is because you don’t want to damage this mental image of how you look in other’s point of view. Also you believe you are going to get something in return, some sort of happiness or joy by pleasing other. For instance, you may think if you are nice to this person, then he is going to represent you as a good person to other, then this way you are going to have good rumours, or if you act like you are innocent in front of your family, then you are going to have their support and may get some money or approval. It might work for you in short-term, but in long-term people will feel that you are being fake and you are going to be less attractive in their eyes. Nobody want to be around a fake person, a person who has no true sense of identity. Not to mention, you just weak yourself too.
Why do you care so much?
Why do you care so much? Why can’t you stop it? When you go to gym, school or in a crowd, unconsciously you believe you are being watched through a camera. You are worried about what other think of you. When your confidence or happiness is based on good or bad opinion of others, like your friends or family, you start to care too much about have they think about you . If your friends give you a compliment, you would be glad and feel good. unconsciously now and then you please them to get even more of how good person you are, how nice and kind you are and a confirmation about the self-image you hold on to. In the other hand, if someone criticized you for your look, work or lifestyle, then you would get very upset and unsure and may panic. How would you react if someone close to you told you that you are ugly and meant it? If hearing that make you breath faster, start worry and look at yourself twice in the mirror, then you have a lot of work to do!
There is something called mental filters which effect what you receive and what you want to send out. Before you say any word or take any move, you put your thoughts into many filters. You don’t want people to think of you as an asshole, weirdo, jerk or rude. You want to be appears as this nice, caring, kind person that everybody loves. So what you do is overanalysing the situation, people’s reaction, your word, action and so on, that’s nice but it’s wrong. If you do so and filter your mind, then in action you are sacrificing yourself and your values, you’re selling your soul. All of us has this kind of filters which limit and stop us to explore ourselves. You see, the reason for these filters and caring too much is your fear, lacking of confidence, strong sense of identity, values and life purpose. In reality other’s opinion about you has actually little to do with you. What it’s an opinion actually? An opinion is only a though which is based on a person’s perspective and the way they peruse the world, it’s based on their experiences and core story in life. For example, if you ask a vegan person’s opinion about your butcher shop, she would usually hate both you and your butcher shop, but if you ask a person who loves meat and chicken, he would probably have a different opinion.
To stand up for yourself and be authentic you have to accept the cost. Some people will hate you for who you are, you get bad rumours, you will be tagged as crazy, stupid, selfish cold heart and etc. Fuck the cost, be yourself. On the positive sides, your happiness is based on your own values and that gives you a strong sense of identity. you will be happier and more succesful. You will be and express yourself honestly. You will no longer have any fake friends, people have to either accept you or leave you. If there is any “friend” that you don’t like or if there is any kind of game between you two, you Just cut that person easily out of your life, there is no need to play a stupid game. I’ve gone through this process, it’s hard but completely worth it. It’s an amazing feeling to be yourself, to be psychology and emotionally independent. In the end of the story you are the one who has been true and completely independent of other. It all depends on you, do you really want it bad enough?
Dont be a whore for approval and attention. Always try to be a bit more of yourself, that’s going to make you happy in life. You are never going to find a happy and successful person who is a people pleaser or someone who play a safe game. That’s it. This was what I would like to share with you, I hope you enjoy it.